How to help the deceased crossover

Disclaimer: I am not an expert in Buddhism and this content is my personal tips from my own investigation and experience, so please do not take this as a official guide. I’d like to apologise in advance for any errors in advance. Please correct me if there are any errors. 

I’d like to clarify that this content will be based on the Mahayana Buddhist tradition regarding how to help the decease crossover. However, there are plenty of overlapping similarity with other cultures and traditions, so it will be useful or at least educational to all the readers.

What is crossing-over or being liberated?

To begin, I’d like to define what ‘crossover’ or being ‘liberated’ means in the general Mahayana perspective. It means to escape samsara, the constant karmic cycle of life, death and rebirth in the wheel of existence (the 6 realms of existence).

In order to escape, the deceased should seek rebirth in the Buddha’s field, which is outside the 6 realms of existence. Once in the Buddha field, they have escaped the karmic cycle of samsara. Their remaining karma will naturally be exhausted in the Buddha field without having to undergo suffering from their karmic retribution. So being reborn in the Buddha’s Field (Pure Land) is liberation.

Although, not in a completely liberated sense, another alternative is for the deceased to be reborn where they can meet the Proper Dharma and continue to cultivate within the 6 realms of existence. This is less favorable because being in the 6 realms of existence Saha world still risk of us falling back into the lower path and suffer if we transgress in our cultivation.

A safest place of rebirth within the 6 realms of existence is the ‘Tusita Heaven’ where Maitreya (the next future Buddha) is currently residing and teaching the Proper Dharma there. There are other planes of heavens where Buddhadharma exist too.

Note that there are about 31 planes of heavens and some planes are good for cultivation where Buddhadharma exist whereas some are distraction for cultivation. Distraction in this context means heaven plane that only indulge in comfort and not cultivation, thereby just burning their blessings away until they transgress back into the lower realms. Therefore it is important for the living to help the decease build affinity with Buddhadharma by reciting sacred Buddhist scriptures, the name of the sages and perform rituals on behave of the deceased, so they can reborn where there can meet the Buddhadharma.

Guide to help the deceased crossover

The first 49 days when a deceased person passed away is a very crucial time as it is a transitional period before their next rebirth is determined. Depending on the deceased persons karma and state of mind, their experience varies within this period of time. Most are likely to experience negative emotions such as fear and anxiety.

During this 49 days period, it is important to the living to help the decease by increasing their merit and blessings through prayers, charity and to speak to the decease spirit so they can find a peace of mind. By doing so, the deceased can escape the lower realms of existence (ghost, animal and hell realm) and be reborn a better place such heaven realms that has Buddhadharma or at best be completely liberated by attaining rebirth in the Buddha field and leave Samsara all together.

But note that the deceased can also be reborn any time within the 49 days, and so it is extremely important to carry out spiritual ritual to benefit the deceased as soon as possible. Below are are list of things you can do to help the deceased:

1. Make sure you are doing fine and not miserable:

It is important that the relatives or love ones of the decease is not miserable. During the 49 days, the spirit of the deceased are able to see and hear what is happening around them as well as what their seeing what there love ones are going through. A lot of people report active supernatural experience with the 49 days of their deceased relative passing away.

During this time, when the deceased sees their relatives cry and is miserable, they are unable to move on and be crossed over. They become too guilty to cross over into the light and end up getting stuck in the ghost realm. This is why it is important that the relatives most be strong and be at peace for the deceased. Despite the emotionally difficult time, it is important we try our best to be strong and not be miserable on behalf of the deceased one within the 49 days.

This explains why events that causes sudden tragic death (without closure) or emotional trauma are likely to have ghostly sightings. In such circumstance, it is important to still try our best to maintain emotional composure and calmness to not alarm the deceased. It is important not to project our negative emotions into the deceased.

2. Request a rebirth plaque (Pai Wei) for the deceased:

As soon as possible, request Mahayana temples to make a Pai Wei to be made for the deceased. Pai Wei is a plaque that has a name of the deceased person and it serves as a home where the deceased spirit can stay. The Pai Wai in the temple allows the spirit to hear the daily chanting and prayers, which provides spiritual blessings to the deceased as well as learning the Dharma. Having a spiritual home for the deceased can buy time for the spirit to linger longer in order to accumulate as much blessings, spirituals merit and find peace before leaving to their next life.  

I personally know people who saw spirit orbs flying into or out of Pai Weis. I also know people who dreamt of their deceased family thanking them for creating a new home for them after making Pai Weis for them. One case, a man who helped financially funded a Pai Wei for his father in-law, dreamt his father in law presenting showing him a yellow rectangle paper and thanked him for giving him a home. He later found that the yellow rectangle paper in his dream looks exactly like the Pai Wei in real life which he had never seen before.

3. Speak to the deceased – encourage them to not worry, to find peace and cross over:

I am not sure if this is an official practice but I personally do this as it makes sense.

Within the 49 days, the deceased are usually active and they can see and hear us, despite us not being able to see or hear them. In spirit form, they are able to sense our emotions, read our minds, travel extremely quick and appear as soon as we think or talk about them. During this time it is a perfect opportunity to help the deceased through speaking to them in a positive way, comforting and encouraging them to cross over.

I know a few people who experience supernatural events whilst they were talking about their deceased relatives within 49 days. I witness a man who talked about how his deceased mother in-law loved sugar cane she planted in the garden. Straight afterwards,  the sugar cane rattled and snapped off without any wind. I guess his mother in-law wanted him to have sugarcane or wanted to be noticed. I have also witness a boy who talked about his deceased grandmother and suddenly the ornaments with springy head started moving. I guess his grandmother wanted to show her presence.

During the 49 days, we can speak to the deceased one. I find that it is good to speak to the deceased before a ritual ceremony and encourage them to not worry, be at peace, recite along and to follow the light of the Buddha. Here are things to say, which you can say something to this effect:

• Let them know they have died, so they can let go of the attachment to this world
• Tell them that this Saha world is suffering and miserable. It is not good to keep clinging on to this world.
• Tell them not to worry about this world any more, assure them that their family is doing well and for them not to worry about any worldly affairs.
• Encourage them to recite along with your and follow the Buddha and seek rebirth in the Buddha Land

Here is something I would say to this effect:

“(Name), have died, you are no longer alive. Don’t worry about your family and the worldly affairs. Things are fine here and so you don’t have to worry. This world is suffering is not worth clinging on to, so don’t be attached to it. Escape this suffering world by vowing to be reborn in Amitabha’s Buddha Pure Land, recite Amitabha’s Buddha name and follow the Buddha to his Pure Land. There, you will find peace, bliss and happiness. We will later all meet together in Amitabha’s Pure Land, so don’t worry and go ahead first”.

4. (a) Helping the deceased with sacred scriptures & chanting:

One of the best way to help the deceased is to recite the sacred scriptures and sacred names for them. By reciting sacred scriptures and names, it will generate a lot of blessing and merits blessings, that can be transferred to the deceased. The blessings and merits created in reciting these sacred scriptures and names are extremely enormous that it can change the outcome of rebirth for the deceased.  It has blessings and merits to help aid the decease to escape the lower realms (ghost, animal & hell realms) and enable rebirth in the higher realms such as heavens or the Buddha field.

In 1995, an elderly woman in California had passed away, and within a month of her passing, a lot of her sons, daughters and grand kids had similar dream. Most of them dreamt the elder lady urging them to recite Amitabha Buddha’s name for her. One of her daughter dreamt she requested Earth Store (Ksitigarbha, Jizo, Dizang) Sutra to be recite for her. She had not known anything about Earth Store Bodhisattva before, but upon investigation, she found that ‘Sutra of the Past Vows of Earth Store Bodhisattva’ existed. Recent stories like these reminds us of the importance of reciting for the deceased.

It is important for us to be very respectful towards the sacred Buddhist scriptures. There are testimonies of miracles and spiritual response from reciting the sacred sutras and names. A few people had seen lights emitting from sacred scriptures. The wise message as well as the merit and blessing created from reciting these scriptures are very beneficial to the deceased.

The most important thing is to recite sincerely with a single-mind that is free from false discursive thoughts.

4. (b) What to recite?

Here are list of common scriptures and sacred name we can recite for the deceased:

• Amitabha Buddha’s name (Namo Amitabha in Sanskrit, Namo Amituofo in Chinese, Namu Amida Butsu in Japanese):
• Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra: This mantra functions to aid rebirth in Pure Land and to also pull out the fundamental cause of karmic obstacles.
• The Buddha Speaks of Amitabha Sutra: This is usually the main Sutra to be recited for the deceased. Reciting this will not only create a lot of blessings and merits for the decease, but it also provides introductory guidance to Amitabha & his Buddha field, which is the aim. It describes Amitabha’s Buddha field and emphasizes on the 3 requisites for attaining liberation in Pure Land (Faith, Vows and Practice). This sutra is also relatively short and convenient to recite.
• Sutra of the Past Vows of Earth Store Bodhisattva: This sutra is also traditionally recited for the deceased. This Sutra also creates tremendous merit and blessings for the deceased. After reciting this sutra, dedicate the merit so that the deceased can be reborn in Amitabha’s Pure Land.
• Heart of Prajna Paramita Sutra: This can be a ‘supplementary’ scripture to recite for the decease as it emphasis the true empty nature and it encourages us not be attached to forms and the saha world.

4. (c) What do I personally recite?

Firstly, a disclaimer that I am not an expert in this field. I don’t think there are standard of right way of reciting for the deceased. But personally for me, I primarily focus on performing the Standard Amitabha Session. The Amitabha session involves the following:

• Light incense and recite the incense praise
• Recite the Amitabha Sutra
• Recite the Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra (I personally recite x3, x7, x27, x49 or x108)
• Recite Amitabha Praise
• Recite Amitabha’s name (no set standard of numbers)
• Transfer the merit so the decease can attain rebirth in Amitabha’s Pure Land

It is important to know that there are no Dharmas better than others. The reason why I focus on Amitabha session is because it serves it’s specific purpose in aiding the decease to Amitabha’s Pure Land. It provides suitable direct guidance and practice (nianfo) for the deceased to reborn in Pure Land. I also consider that time is of the essence for the deceased as they can reborn at any moment within the 49 days,. With that in mind, it is important to go straight to Pure Land practice to streamline the deceased directly to Amitabha’s Pure Land without distraction or being side tracked.

I also do supplementary side practiced outside of the main practice of Amitabha session. My supplementary side practice involves the following:

• Your daily Dharma Practice: Do whatever Dharma practice you usually practice or like and then dedicate that merit towards the deceased rebirth in Pure Land. For example, if you recite Great Compassion Mantra daily or the Morning/Evening Ceremony, then you can do those and dedicate merits on behalf of the deceased to attain rebirth in Pure Land.
• Bowing in repentance: I bow in repentance on behalf of the deceased. I usually bow in repentance to the name of sages (Amitabha, Guan Yin, Great Strength, Earth Store and Great Pure Sea of Bodhisattvas) and the Avatamsaka Repentance Verse. It is nice to bow as I can get my a bit of exercise as well as feeling more sincere, respectful and humble. It puts me in the right state of mind.
• Earth Store Sutra: I recite the ‘Sutra of the Past Vows of Earth Store Bodhisattva’. I usually recite this in parts (a few chapters if I am busy), followed by the ‘True Words of Seven Buddhas for Eradicating Offenses’ Mantra, Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra’, Mantra for correcting mistakes & omission, Earth Store Bodhisattva’s name and finish it off with transference of merit so that the decease can be reborn in Pure Land. Again, I’d like to emphasise the importance of redirecting our spiritual practice to the goal of the deceased to attain liberation in Pure Land.
• Heart of Prajna Paramita Sutra: I’d recite this, remind the decease not to be attached to this Saha World and remind the deceased to find liberation in Amitabha’s Pure Land.

5. Do good deeds on behalf of the deceased:

You can also do goods or charity on behalf of the deceased and dedicate the merit for their rebirth in the Pure Land. Here are a list of things you could do:

• Offer incense, candle, water and fruits to Buddha & Bodhisattvas in the altar
• Become a vegetarian within the 49 day
• Cook vegetarian meal and offer to others (see Chapter 7 in Earth Store Sutra for guidance)
• Make copies of Sutras or create images or statue of Buddhas & Bodhisattvas statues.
• Make offering to the Sangha
• Liberate animals that are captured or are to be eaten by others.

What not to do?

I have given tips on what to do. But here are things not to do:

• Don’t be too miserable or sad, otherwise the deceased love ones find it difficult to move on.
• Don’t offer meat to the deceased in their shrine as it generates negative karma for them.
• Don’t offer meat, alcohol or other intoxicants to others on behalf of the deceased as it generated negative karma.

Don’t forget to look after ourselves:

Bereavement is never an easy thing to go through. There are a lot of intense emotions we go through and a lot of time needed to heal. Being in an emotionally vulnerable situation makes it even more important that we put extra effort in looking after ourselves and people around us.

It is helpful to understand about the psychological aspect of grievance (such as the 5 stages of grief & loss) in order to help us to navigate through our emotions turmoil towards recovery and balance. It is also  important that we focus on our self care so we can have the strength to look after and support others around us. The timeless wisdom from Dharma can also provides insight to emotional recovery and to be of benefit of both the living and the deceased. Please see the article on ‘How to cope and recover from bereavement’ for further reading.